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Her full nature . . . spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half doing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.
– from Middlemarch, by George Eliot
Some of you have asked after the woman I wrote the last Three Things post about, and I appreciate that. I’m more sorry than I can say to tell you that it’s my best friend Aimee’s mother.
Jeanette was diagnosed with Stage IV brain cancer this past March. She underwent surgery to remove most of the tumor and then received both radiation and chemotherapy. She had ups and downs, and the prognosis was never great, but we all so hoped for a miracle, or at least more time than we got. She began declining steadily towards the end of August, and by the end, she was bedridden and often unable to respond, though she usually knew when people were with her.
I have known Jeanette since I was 14 years old. It wouldn’t be exaggerating at all to say that she was like a second mother to me. In high school, Aimee’s house was the place all the kids wanted to be because Jeanette and Bill, Aimee’s step-dad, were totally laid back. They were great fun to be around, but they also knew when to make themselves scarce, and as long as we weren’t out of control, they left us to our own devices. They took all of us in and loved us and counseled us and fed us and, in my case (and in the case of her sister’s friends), sheltered us for a time.
As we grew and went off and had lives of our own, they still asked after us and greeted us with hugs and kisses and questions about what we were up to. They always encouraged us in whatever endeavor we took on and supported us and shared their wisdom, which was vast, freely. I loved them dearly.
Bill died in November 2005. The minister at Jeanette’s memorial service said it best: She was a widow, but she never stopped being married to him. Aimee told me that it was Jeanette’s great hope that, after she died, she would be reunited with Bill. I don’t know what I believe, really, about what happens to you after you die, but I hope with all my heart that they are together again.
Three weeks before Jeanette died, I went to Richmond to say goodbye. It was a difficult thing to do; she was bedridden, nearly bald, and able to communicate very little. She knew we were there, though, and we had some good laughs and a few tears. Aimee and her sister were gracious enough to give me a few minutes alone with Jeanette, and I was able to tell her how much she meant to me and how grateful I was to have her in my life. I know that she understood; she cried a little when she realized that what I was really saying was goodbye. She grew sleepy, so we decided to go. I was the last one out, and before I left her side, I kissed her forehead and said, “Goodbye, Jeanette; I love you.” And that was the last time I saw her.
Aimee asked me to share Jeanette’s obituary with you; you can find it here.
Jeanette with the quilt she made for Ben's 1st birthday
The values of the world we inhabit and the people we surround ourselves with have a profound effect on who we are.
– from Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell
I’m cheating a little again, because it’s 9:30, and I’m in the middle of making dinner, and I’m still exhausted from yesterday.
I’m making chicken and dumplings for the first time ever, which is taking longer than I expected, and I’m nervous David won’t like it. He’s a good sport and tries anything I make, but I can always tell when he doesn’t like something (and he always answers truthfully if I ask him). And although I know it’s not personal, it makes me feel bad when he doesn’t like it, because I only want to take care of him, and food is one way I do that. I’m working on this – I know he won’t starve if he doesn’t eat what I make, and we don’t always have to like the same things, and it’s not a reflection on my skills as a cook. I’m a work in progress.
Anyway, back to the cheating. Please enjoy the following pictures of me and some of my favorite people:
Me and Karen last summer – she’s thinner now and I’m heavier!
Me and Aimee somewhere in the neighborhood of 9 years ago at a Sister Hazel show. This is still one of my favorite pictures of us.
Me and Nate in Atlantic City, before our dad’s band played at House of Blues (he’s wearing orange because it’s my dad’s favorite color).
This was the Princess’s third birthday. Now that I look at it again, they both looking like they might be squirming to get away from me, but I promise, they are actually laughing!
Me and David in September at my friend’s wedding on Long Island (I was a bridesmaid).
I saved this in the middle while we ate dinner – success! David liked it quite a bit, and though I thought the seasoning needs some work, it’s definitely a keeper (but probably more for fall and winter)!
For most of history, Anonymous was a woman.
– Virginia Woolf
Where do you find your inspiration? As far as blogging goes, I read a number of people, particularly women, who write beautifully, humorously, truthfully, about their lives and the people in them, and I long to be among them. I don’t think I always succeed, but here and there perhaps you can catch glimpses of what I aspire to do.
Today, one of my favorites wrote about her mother who passed away unexpectedly several years ago. Reading her post, as with most of the things she shares about her family, brought tears to my eyes. Partly because I was sad for her, but also because her writing about grief is at once heartbreaking and hopeful, and that’s a combination that really speaks to me.
So for today’s post, I thought I’d link to a couple of my favorite posts by a few of my favorite women bloggers. I hope they move you as much as they moved me.
Dawn: In addition to the one I linked above, I also recommend:
Jane:
Elisabeth:
Mo:
Lyrically Me
Ladies, if you object to being linked here (or just to these particular entries being linked), please let me know, and I will be happy to remove them.
Hey little sister, what have you done?
Hey little sister, who’s the only one?
Hey little sister, who’s your superman?
Hey little sister, who’s the one you want?
Hey little sister, shotgun!
– Billy Idol, White Wedding
So it’s Friday night at 10, and David is, unfortunately, still at work. Fortunately for me, though, this allows me to indulge in one of my favorite guilty pleasure shows – Say Yes to the Dress on TLC.
The premise behind this show is that women come to Kleinfeld – a widely known high-end bridal salon in Manhattan – to search for the perfect wedding dress. Each of them is paired with a “consultant,” which is really just a fancy word for salesperson, and shown multiple dresses in the hopes that one will catch the bride-to-be’s eye (and wallet).
This show is like the ultimate in wedding porn. Kleinfeld carries thousands of dresses in all styles and price ranges. That is, assuming your price range starts around $1500. The brides generally come in with a budget, be it $1500, $3000, or $10,000. Sometimes, like tonight’s lesbian couple searching for “matching pantsuits,” the budget is unlimited. This is actually the part of the show that irks me the most: no matter what the stated budget is, the consultants – without fail, always bring in dresses that are out of the bride’s price range. The goal, of course, is to get the bride to fall in love with one of those dresses, and they count on the absolute madness that surrounds so many women planning weddings – the idea that the day has to be perfect and that every detail matters immensely – to convince her that she must have THIS dress or the wedding will be a disaster. It’s kind of unsavory, frankly. And watching the struggle some of these brides and their families go through – one bride’s obviously working class mother agreed to take a second job to afford the out-of-her-price-range dress her daughter wanted - is a little more reality than this show needs, I think. It should be pure fantasy.
To be honest, however, part of the appeal in watching this, for me, is to marvel at that very same madness that I just criticized. It’s amazing to me that women will pay thousands of dollars for a wedding dress. I just cannot fathom that. Even those brides whose wedding budgets would have paid for my law school education with change leftover – I just don’t get it. It’s one day, you wear the dress for 6 hours, and you never wear it again. And you can’t do anything else with it, either, except put it in a box and hope you have a daughter who might want to wear it. I’d rather spend the money to rent a Dippin’ Dots cart.
And I don’t travel in circles where these kinds of things matter, either. My mother would die if I told her I wanted to spend $2000 on a wedding dress. I happen to know that Aimee got everything – wedding dress, veil, undergarments, shoes, etc – for under about $700. And her dress was absolutely perfect for her. See?
(That’s hands-down my favorite picture of her, ever.)
And if I were as crafty as Lydia, I’d make my own wedding dress, too. I absolutely love the pattern she chose. Oooh, maybe I’ll pay Lydia to make my wedding dress!
Look: there’s no doubt the dresses on this show are, for the most part, beautiful. And if these women are comfortable spending that kind of money for a dress, and it makes them happy, then more power to them. I’ll just sit back and enjoy the show.
A live concert to me is exciting because of all the electricity that is generated in the crowd and on stage. It’s my favorite part of the business, live concerts.
– Elvis Presley
Father asked us what was God’s noblest work. Anna said men, but I said babies. Men are often bad, but babies never are.
– Louisa May Alcott
Young Benjamin turned one on Saturday:
We stopped by Nate’s to watch football that afternoon, so I got to see the tiny people for the second weekend in a row, which is never a bad thing.
Later that night, David and I had dinner with Aimee and Tim at a Japanese steak house, which was so much fun. I had a drink bigger than my head, called a Green Dinosaur, which was basically a Long Island Iced Tea with Midori instead of Coke. It was good. Our chef was fantastic, the food was probably the best I’ve had at a restaurant like that, and for once, I didn’t stuff myself (and I counted everything – I’m back on track, baby).
It was so great to spend time with Aimee again – I haven’t seen her in a while – and Tim and David hit it off, because they’re both kind of nerdy (as Aimee said to me on a trip to the restroom). All in all, it was a great day!
I am still convinced that a good, simple, homemade cookie is preferable to all the store-bought cookies one can find.
– James Beard
So this:
Turned into all of this:
Six batches of cookies and two batches of fudge, and we did it all in 12 hours. I’m still exhausted, but it was a great time!
Oh, Karen’s cookies were Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies, Kissy Cookies (the peanut butter ones with the Hershey Kisses on top), and Peppermint Shortbread – I don’t know if that’s the official name of it, but it’s my favorite cookie of the six we made, and I’ll share the recipe if anyone’s interested.
The Pilgrims made seven times more graves than huts. No Americans have been more impoverished than these who, nevertheless, set aside a day of thanksgiving.
– H.U. Westermayer
Of all the holidays, Thanksgiving is my favorite. I love going to my grandfather’s, knowing all the usual suspects will make an appearance, everyone will prepare something (my job is mashed potatoes and, for the last several years, also a dessert), there will be lots of catching up and storytelling, much laughter, maybe a few tears, and we’ll all leave a little fuller – both literally and metaphorically.
Here are some things I’m thankful for today:
1. my family, obviously – these people who hear me, and believe in me, and encourage me, and who I love tremendously
2. David, who is going to be my family one day
3. that David saved my computer from the jaws of the blue screen of death Monday night by spending 3 hours googling possible solutions on his computer until he found the right one
4. Facebook – what a genius invention; it keeps me up to date on my friends’ lives, even when we can’t be in touch as much as we’d like (and coming across a clever status message always makes me smile)
5. that my job is essentially guaranteed, at least for the next year, so unlike many people, I don’t have to worry so much about ending up unemployed
6. my friends – the ones I talk to all the time, the the ones I don’t hear from very often, the ones who are always in my thoughts, and even the ones who aren’t really friends anymore but who graced my life for a time
7. Chapstick – I never leave home without it
Wherever you are today, whoever you’re with, I hope you’re taking a moment to remember your blessings. Enjoy your day!
If this was adulthood, the only improvement she could detect in her situation was that she could now eat dessert without eating her vegetables.
– from Kinflicks, by Lisa Alther
The great Christmas cookie weekend is upon us again. Karen is coming next weekend and we are going to bake up a storm, and maybe even make some fudge and/or peppermint bark. Last year, I had my cookie choices well in hand by this point, but not so this year. The Kris Kringle cookies were a huge hit last year, so they will be making a return appearance, but beyond that, I’m still undecided. So, I thought I’d let you know what’s on my radar and see what you all think I should make this year.
First, Death by Caramel bars. I love caramel, and this sounds so good, but I’m afraid this might be too rich, plus, it’s not really so Christmasy.
Next, Caramelized Sugar Cookies. These really appeal to me; I bet they’re chewy and buttery and yummy.
How about Chocolate Malted Cookies? I love Whoppers, and I bet that’s what these taste like, only in cookie form. Oooh, maybe I could crush up some Whoppers and add them to the batter! Yum.
Maybe Lemon Sugar Cookies? I like the idea of a little departure from traditional sugar cookies, and this would satisfy my need to use my cookie cutter collection.
Finally, what about Mint Chippers? It’s really just a twist on chocolate chip cookies, I suppose, but the mint flavor makes it a little special for the holidays, don’t you think?
At best, I think I can make three kinds of cookies, since Karen will choose several as well, and we want to make fudge or peppermint bark (speaking of which, does anyone have a good recipe for bark?), so which two of those five possibilities do you think sound best?
Thanks for your input!
Be your own master!
Be your own Jesus!
Be your own flying saucer! Rescue yourself!
Be your own valentine! Free the heart!
– from Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, by Tom Robbins (talk about random . . .)
Man, this blogging thing is hard to keep up with! I apologize for my absence . . . two Saturdays ago I was down in Richmond for the day watching the kids, and I took my computer with me. When I packed up to come home, I managed to leave my power cord plugged in at Nate’s, and I wasn’t able to get it back til this past weekend, so that explains much of the dearth of posting (I’ve not yet gotten the courage to blog from work!).
So, what’s new? I’m reading your blogs, and you’re going on dates and training for new jobs and reporting on your quest to visit 25 different Hooters’ locations (seriously – go read that one) and so many other exciting things, I feel like my life is pretty boring.
In relationship news, David came down to Richmond with me this weekend, and my grandma drove up from Greensboro to meet him. Everything went great, and we had dinner with Nate and Molly and the kids, and I rolled around on the floor with the kids laughing my fool head off because how could I not? They are ridiculous. Later, David said, “I don’t know if I’ve ever seen you happier.”
In a stunning non sequitor, I’ll tell you that David and I have been watching season 1 of The West Wing on DVD at my place and, until recently when it rolled over and started at the beginning again, season 7 on Bravo — via TiVo — at his place. I own several shows on DVD, but TWW is the only one I’ve watched twice so far, though Friday Night Lights is up next in preparation for the new season (on NBC; season 3 is already airing on a special channel on DirectTV) in February. What shows can you watch over and over?
I love TWW. For practically every episode of the first 3 or 4 seasons, a bunch of us would head to our friend Andre’s place to watch as a group every Wednesday. We’d drink beer and smoke (back then, we all smoked; now almost none of us do) and kid about what it would be like if we were the party in power. Andre was selected as president; Robert was his chief of staff (because, like Jed Bartlett says, if you trust your best friend with your life and he’s smarter than you, he should be your chief of staff); I can’t remember Nate’s job or Aimee’s (chime in, will you?), but I was always gunning for press secretary. I wanted to be like CJ. Robert was never sure that was the job for me, and I can’t remember if I ever convinced him. He’s right though – I’m a smart girl, but I’m not good at thinking on my feet (which is why I’ll never be a trial lawyer). Anyway, I also have season 2 on DVD, so we’ll watch that next and wait for Bravo to get around to Season 3.
TiVo is both a blessing and a curse. I can watch so much that I would otherwise miss, which is great. But, because I can watch it whenever, I almost never watch stuff the night it airs, so I can’t talk about the shows with people (like Grey’s Anatomy – last week Karen put GA spoilers in her Facebook status and I was still two weeks behind!) until the buzz has already worn off. But I love that it suggests things for you to watch – David’s TiVo always records Ace of Cakes as a suggestion, and I dig that show.
My fantasy football season is all but done. It’s all over but the crying now. I’m in second to last place and it stinks. I never win. I was wrong before when I said I’d never made the playoffs in all the seasons I’ve played — I made it once and placed third. This year I won’t even get close. Boo.
Thanksgiving is coming! I love Thanksgiving; it really is my favorite holiday. David and I are going to my grandparents – everyone will be there, and I can’t wait! What are your plans?
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